Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
