You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
