There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
