You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
