this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I think I have vodka in my lungs
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
