Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
