mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
