Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
