i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
