your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
