Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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