I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
