yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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