dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
