I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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