I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
