Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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