Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
