He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
