Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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