I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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