do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
