Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
