Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
