You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
