can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
