How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
