that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I need a burrito and a hug.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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