Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
