He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
