Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Randomize
