I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
