better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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