Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
