Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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