okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
