the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
