on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I am midnight drunk by noon
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Randomize
