one might say we're banned from that church
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
