he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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