I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
