Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
