But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
