I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
i think my cat just said my name.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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