I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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