So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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