I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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