I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
