Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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