I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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