He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
