I just cut my nipple shaving
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
