so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
