I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
