My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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