Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Why is there bacon in the couch?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
