I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
